Mock Court: Where Justice is Served with a Side of Laughter

Every July at the Old Woodstock Mock Mayor Elections, the most unusual court in Oxfordshire comes into session. Welcome to Mock Court, where MPs face charges of insufficient silliness, pub landlords are tried for excessive cheerfulness, and even the local ducks aren't safe from prosecution.

Justice, Mock-Style

Mock Court builds on Woodstock's centuries-old tradition of having its own court system, but with a distinctly modern twist. Here, the crimes are delightfully absurd, the punishments are perfectly harmless, and the entertainment value is through the roof. Think Judge Judy meets Monty Python, presided over by the mock-serious Sir Nicholas of Tonks, Dom Luis de Kingsmill-Brooquero and Eduardo de la Cress, the "Lord High Adjudicators of Political Tomfoolery."

The Accused: A Rogues' Gallery

The Politicians

Calum Miller MP found himself in the dock for "wilful failure to engage in ridiculous election stunts," specifically his refusal to bungee jump off Blenheim Palace while reciting his party manifesto. His robust defence couldn't save him from the mock jury's verdict of guilty as charged.

The Publican Problems

Chris Brewster, landlord of the Duke of Marlborough, faced charges of being "excessively handsome for a pub landlord," causing patrons to swoon and forget their drink orders. His sentence? Wearing a fake beard, wart, and hunchback for a fortnight to restore proper pub aesthetics.

Meanwhile, Dave Lynch-Thomas of the Woodstock Arms was convicted of "criminally excessive bonhomie" – his smile allegedly 38% wider than the legal limit for publicans. His spirited poetry defence was described as "epic in length, if not quality."

The Traitors and Appeals

Jorge Costa committed the ultimate pub sin: defecting from the Crown to The Back Lane tavern, complete with "illegal exportation of anecdotes and personal catchphrases." The Crown's resident pub dog was reportedly inconsolable.

Mevlan Karaj returned to appeal his 2023 conviction for attempting to rename Woodstock as "Mevstock." His claim that it was merely an "Albanian Folk Festival" failed to convince the jury – again.

The Professional Misconduct

Dr Janina Ramirez faced charges of scheduling her wedding anniversary on Mock Mayor day, causing "great consternation amongst the citizenry" torn between celebrating her marital longevity and attending the mock election.

Rob, Chief Sambista of Sol Samba, was accused of "unlawful distribution of infectious grooves" and causing seven hernias through vigorous samba-induced hip-shaking. His Cookie Monster disguise fooled no one.

The Domestic Disputes

Mock Court heard its fair share of family drama. One brave yeoman accused his wife of flatulence – she was found "banged to rights," though he's unlikely to be banged for quite some time. Another father faced charges brought by his own daughter, Poppy, for "flatulence and drinking too much beer."

The Animal Kingdom Gets Its Day

Even Woodstock's fauna aren't immune to mock justice. The Town Square Ducks (aliases: "The Feathered Menaces") faced multiple charges including "reckless waddling," "conspiracy to overthrow human pedestrians," and "engaging in loud, quack-filled debates with local pigeons at unsociable hours."

In a heartwarming case of canine justice, Woodie the Golden Retriever brought charges against Rachel Masser for falsely accusing him of chasing squirrels. With photographic evidence of squirrels "clearly instigating any chase-related incidents," Woodie was vindicated.

Luther the "Labrador" (described as looking "more like a mastiff crossed with a llama") faced accusations of eating granny's garden furniture but was acquitted, much to granny's chagrin.

How Mock Court Works

The beauty of Mock Court lies in its community participation. Anyone can bring charges against friends, family, or even pets. You simply fill out a charge sheet with the accused, the crime, evidence, and witnesses. Mock lawyers then interrogate the accused while the community serves as judge and jury.

Punishments are wonderfully creative and harmless – from organizing genuine Albanian folk festivals to taking swimming lessons in the town fountain.

More Than Just Entertainment

While Mock Court provides endless laughs, it serves a deeper purpose. It's democracy in action, community bonding through shared humor, and a safe space to air grievances (however silly) in public. It embodies the British tradition of using humor to address everything from domestic disputes to political frustrations.

As one observer noted, Mock Court proves that sometimes the best way to handle life's irritations is to drag them before a mock tribunal and sentence the perpetrators to dress as squirrels.

Want to settle scores with excessive politeness or bring charges against a serial tea-bag squeezer? Join us at the next Mock Court session – where justice is served with a generous helping of laughter.